I moved to the city for university. I knew I’d be here for four years, but every time someone asked me if I liked Toronto I would answer, “I love it for this time in my life. But after graduation, I’ll move to the country. I need peace, quiet, and trees.”
Then life here just…happened.
I built a network through my university which landed me a job when I got out. I started on the ground floor of the startup and was provided one opportunity after another to grow. Then I met a man who was also very settled here, which made it even easier to stay.
So many of us fall into the rhythm of it all. Get a job, work hard to prove yourself and get promoted. Maybe find a partner, maybe get married, maybe have kids.
Then you wake up one day only to wonder how you got there.
If you can honestly stop, look around, and say, “Yes. I’m absolutely living the life I want,” then good on you.
I just don’t think that’s the case for a lot of us. We find ourselves riding the currant without stopping to consider if we even want to go where the stream is taking us.
It only hit me a couple years ago, after having moved in with my partner.
I was a young manager in the cool and booming world of tech. I had a good income, lived in the big city, and had just moved in with an amazing partner. I’d hit the typical markers of success for a 27 year old, yet something still didn’t feel right.
I had a feeling that my job wasn’t a good long term fit, but more than that, living in the city didn’t agree with me. I’m a nature person, so being surrounded by condos and traffic isn’t my cup of tea.
For some people, they love the hustle and bustle. They love the energy and vibrancy that comes with being in the heart of the action. Not me.
While it’d be easiest to continue down the path I’m on and stay in the city, I have three really good reasons for wanting to move to the country.
Mental Health
I’m the type of kid that woke up in the morning bolting upright in a daze, panicked that I’d slept past my alarm. I did this regularly at the age of 5, no joke.
I’m not afraid to say it – I’m high strung.
It seems my natural state is just a little more anxious than those around me. I stress about things that aren’t worth stressing over. I overthink. I over feel. I over analyze.
Living in the city only exacerbates this. There is a constant hum of traffic and machinery, so much so that you forgot that it’s there until you get into the silence of nature. I avoid walking to and from work during regular rush hour because I can’t take the foot traffic and all the honking. And there’s always somewhere to be. I’m not even popular yet somehow we have so many things going on that we’re always turning down social invitations and after 4 or 5 activities in one week, I’m pleading for a night in.
I’ve found coping mechanisms – meditation, yoga, and deep breathing. These things help, but it still feels like I wasn’t built for this lifestyle. Like it’s all just too much.
In the city we’re constantly talking about how busy we are. Many will tell you that we brag about being busy. That being busy is a glorified sign of importance.
Well I can tell you that’s not the case for me.
1000% of the time, I’m complaining!
I want to live a full life, yes, but to me that means a life full of down time with friends and family.
I want to wake up on a Saturday morning with my family and absolutely nothing to do. We spend a slow morning out on the porch with a hot cup of coffee and a good book. We play games through the day and do a project outside. I just want peace. And a weekend spent doing things I actually love.
After all, aren’t we here on this planet to enjoy ourselves?!
Here in the city, I have a constant feeling that there’s not enough time. Not enough time to go for a walk on a Sunday, not enough time to go out of my way to meet up with a friend, not even enough time to stop and hear about my coworkers weekend. It always feels like there’s too much on my plate. Too many things I need to get done.
This is just what we know. It’s how we were brought up. There are millions of ways we could choose to spend our time, so we constantly feel the need to optimize. We’re over value what we’re able to accomplish, and undervalue our free time.
Cost
From a more practical standpoint, living in the city is expensive!
Toronto has the second highest cost of living in Canada.
Real estate prices are almost entirely unachievable for the average 20something, without Mom and Dad’s help.
Beyond real estate, the lifestyle is expensive. Socializing with friends tends to mean going out for dinner and drinks on a regular basis. Your average restaurant cocktail in the city will run you $14 and an appetizer another $16. It’s not unusual for me to go out twice a week with friends and rack up a $60 bill each time.
With our friends, we’re pretty good about going over to eachother’s apartments when we want to hang out which keeps things cheap. But with so many fun activities to do in the city, we’re still doing an expensive outing of some sort at least once a week.
“Keeping up with the Jones’” is a very real phenomenon and it’s way too easy to get caught up in it. Everyone around is on the hunt for the newest and nicest. It’s a never ending race to accumulate the best stuff.
Being in the city also means everything is at your fingertips. Convenience is great, but it also hurts your wallet.
Talking about the accumulation of stuff leads me nicely to my next reason for wanting to move to the country.
Values
I’ve met some really lovely people in the city, many whom I love dearly.
Generally speaking though, I find my values don’t align as well with, “city folk,” as I assume all country dwelling people call us.
City folk often live expensive and lush lifestyles – without realizing it.
They wear name brands, follow the latest trends despite the high expense of doing so, and hit the hottest restaurants every weekend. Nails are often beautifully manicured and any event is an excuse for a professional blowout.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone.
But overall, this is just the norm here. Because of that, there is also a social culture that is built around these things. This is how people spend their time and hard earned money. So naturally, the conversation tends to revolve around these things.
Not that I don’t enjoy these things – believe me I do – but ultimately everything is a trade off and this is not where I like to spend my pennies.
Over the last 5 or 6 years, I’ve felt myself fitting in less and less with city folk. I’m the “hippie” in most of my circles which is a nickname I wear proudly, but I’m finding I have to constantly remind myself that these things aren’t important to me, and that’s okay.
Being a hippie and watching my consumption though generally socially acceptable, does put you a little outside of the inner circle – again, you’re living a different lifestyle.
Being frugal on the other hand, hasn’t yet become socially acceptable here. Oddly what I have found to be socially acceptable is living a lavish lifestyle then complaining that you have no money. We’ve decided that’s okay, yet we still don’t seem to be on board with folks watching what they spend in the first place.
Ultimately, building and maintaining friendships is important for my well being.
But I’ve found it difficult to do that successfully in the city without spending money on costly things that I don’t find fulfilling.
My participation helps build friendships but in spending money, I move myself further away from my ultimate goal, which is to be financially free enough to have flexibility in my career.
I expect that with a move to the country, I’ll leave behind the major pressure to spend and the hustle and bustle that currently brings me a daily dose of anxiety.
The city has been great to me. It really has. And I truly believe that every human could become more patient, understanding, and well rounded by living in the city for at least a few years.
But I’ve served my time and now I’m looking to see what I can learn after I move to the country.
Want to read more about my plans to uproot my life and move to the country? Click here.